Dr Mell_Love the One You’re With
The Dr Mell Spring 2012 Celebration of Love salutes your first and purest love: You! “Love the One You’re With” is your cue to esteem yourself—lavishly and continuously—giving your most tender, patient and adoring attention to your Self. Loving the One You’re Always With means caring for yourself first and foremost, honoring your unique and wonderful qualities and cultivating the hopes and dreams you hold most dear. In positive psychology terms, the best way to love yourself, connect lovingly with others and richly cultivate your best life is to identify and foster your signature strengths.
One of the most compelling testimonies that illustrates this power is one told by Aren Cohen, a psychologist who put the power of positive psychology to work for her in graduate school. After many readings and lectures establishing that statistically married people in stable relationships tend to be healthier and live longer than their single counterparts, Aren decided to put research into action, steep herself in loving kindness and find the man of her dreams.
How did I change my life to make it ‘exactly the right moment’? First of all, thanks to what I had learned…I was becoming a happier person, more attuned to my own spirituality and to reasons to celebrate gratitude. I kept a gratitude journal, and I started using goal-setting for the future and visualizing what I wanted. I wrote my list, starting with phrases ranging from ‘I will find a man who is…’ to ‘My guy will be….’ I used visualization techniques, including meditation and collaging. My collage had words and images outlining how I wanted my life to be. Finally, I chose my favorite love song, the James Taylor version of ‘How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You),’ and every night before bed for the three months before I met my husband, I listened to it religiously, as if to serenade love into my life. The words ‘How Sweet It Is’ were also on my collage, right above the words ‘Bridal Suite.’ (qtd. in Seligman, 2011)
Aren’s collection of strategies and action plan were successful, you see: her husband, Andre’, appeared in her life at exactly the right moment. Once you’ve identified your signature strengths, you and your Life Coach will follow the formula that was so successful for Aren. While you may work on professional and financial goals as well, you’ll likely want to create some goals and activities that help you build more positivity with your significant other and/or your friends, family and acquaintances.
If you’re familiar with the “Laws of Attraction” or have read The Secret and its appeal to readers to “See, Believe, Receive,” you notice some parallels with Aren’s impulse to find love and to implement practical strategies to achieve it. In very elemental terms, positive psychology makes no secret of your power to craft your happiness and truly flourish. Aren harnessed the power of the cluster of signature strengths of Humanity and Love: “kindness and generosity and loving and allowing oneself to be loved” (2011). So, what’s the first step for you, Love? Here’s the link: Engagement Questionnaires: VIA Survey of Character Strengths.
Naturally, I hope you invite me to join you in shaping your vision and using your strengths to find love, meaning and accomplishment, but whatever path you choose, I assure you that you’re worth it. Find your passion and follow your heart. Seize the love you want from your best life.
With Loving Kindness,
Dr Mell
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Seligman, M.E.P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. New York: Free Press.
The Positive Psychology Center at The University of Pennsylvania. Dir. Martin E.P. Seligman. http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
