“The key is to be honest, and not too harsh.”
One of the most inspiring aspects in my work is research, and lately, The Buzz among and about 50-somethings has hovered around Truth—seeking it, finding it, wielding it. Casual conversations shift that direction, clients and friends write e-mails about “standing in their truth,” and people like Cathy, the woman who wrote the introductory quote, are in active pursuit: soul-searching for deeply personal truth and using the power from truth to have their needs respected and see their dreams realized.
Cathy was saying, “I examine my life, my relationships, and my work, and I’m honest with myself, but I don’t beat myself up in the process.” Her explanation describes the way that she examines her life—what she’s proud of, what she would change, and who she can count on to be respectful, loving and supportive—but it also states pretty emphatically that she doesn’t participate in harsh self-criticism or personal slams.
While riding the Personal Truth Pipeline, I found Fifty Things to Do When You Turn Fifty, a compilation of essays from life experts (ed. by Sellers, 2005). I flipped the book open randomly and started reading the first essay that I found: “Stop Proving Yourself” by Hollywood film-maker, Susan Seidelman. The essay is a nice connection to Cathy’s quote, too. Seidelman is entertaining and personal and focuses on the value of being true to herself and the happiness she created when she knew herself well and learned to stand in her truth. She writes, “What I really like about my age is that, professionally, I have less to prove now” (160). She’s worked in Hollywood since graduating with a master’s from NYU Film School in the ‘70s, directing movies like Desperately Seeking Susan and She-Devil and receiving a nomination for an Oscar and several Emmys.
In a relaxed tone, her essay is a positive take on arriving at 50 with self-assurance and a feeling of being grounded in truth. Even though she describes her late 30s and 40s as complicated with parenting, she expresses such a confident view of the power that comes from surviving the ups and downs of life and business and cultural shifts and coming out the other side of good and bad experiences with your hat on straight, 50-something, and a solid sense of your own self-worth. This essay seems to reinforce what Cathy says about her own self-examination: I’m honest about my strengths, about the choices that I’ve made, good and bad, but I treat myself with dignity all along and respect what I’ve been through to arrive at this point.
Standing in your truth, being a strong advocate for your own care, asserting your wishes to other people and making sure you’re heard: the phrasing changes, but the sentiment’s the same. Fifty-somethings are taking the time right now to embrace their truth and grow happier and to be kind to themselves through it all.
In Truth,
Doctor Mell
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Seidelman, S (2005). “Stop proving yourself.” In Fifty things to do when you turn fifty. ed. by R Sellers. Sellers Publishing, Inc. <www.rsvp.com>
