I recommend you read an article in Sunday’s New York Times* that debunks the myths about mid-life and middle-aged people, suggesting that 50-Somethings are more self-satisfied and life-satisfied than popular culture would have us believe. A healthy perspective on life, earned from a range of experiences, allows most 50-Somethings to arrive at the beginning of another new year blessed with a generous amount of depth.
Once you’ve attended many New Year’s Eve parties and written more resolutions than you can recall, you’re old enough to have phrases like “Drink Less” or “Quit Smoking” or “Exercise More” show up on your resolutions list for the third time or maybe the tenth. When your 50th or your 70th is just around the corner, you’ve celebrated enough new years to join an elite group of People with Depth, and as the commercial suggests, membership has its privileges. Membership in The Silver Sages offers opportunity for a realistic new start: an enlightened and enthusiastic embrace of change and personal growth.
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The reality for you in 2012 may be that you’re deeply involved in healing and recovery. A woman I know well who’s approaching 50 copes every day with chronic migraine pain and emotional issues related to her illness. **Grace-Anne was forced to accept disability retirement two years ago when her pain prevented her from being able to get to work—work that she was exceptionally good at and loved. In 2012, she is seeking comfort and peace from the physical and emotional tsunami of chronic illness. Bart, a 50 year-old single friend of mine, is battling mesothelioma while grieving the death of his father, his former care-giver and travel companion to out-of-state treatment, after he died suddenly of a terrible illness. Although Bart’s beating the odds against a devastating diagnosis, he struggles with pain and nausea from the illness and chemotherapy. Another dear friend, Celeste—an accomplished and beautiful mother of four and wife of 32 years—is coming to terms with betrayal after discovering her husband’s extramarital affair and sadness over the end of their long marriage. She is processing a whole range of emotions as she navigates the death of an old dream and the birth of a new one.
Your reality may be less dramatic—but stress-filled nonetheless. In 2012, you find yourself feeling the responsibility of aging parents, of parenting grown or nearly grown children and/or of helping grown children raise your grandchildren. No wonder The Silver Sages dwell in what some sociologists call “The Crunch Generation.” Yes, these relationships are nurtured in the normal course of life, but that doesn’t discount how much stress they can create. A 55 year-old client of mine was on-schedule to launch her own business when the economy tanked in the fall of 2008. Callie has a well-paying job in a profession she still enjoys, but just as she shelved her dream temporarily, her parents moved to an assisted-living facility and her 22 year-old son left college to join a rock band.
Silver Sages—facing a new year of serious health challenge or midlife stress—courageously look forward to a new beginning in a new year. The statistics suggest that mid-life is a time of momentous arrival, when serious challenges or everyday stressors are managed with relative balance and wisdom and a great deal of self-knowledge. Mid-life, it turns out, is a time of triumph over life obstacles, large and small.
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I thought you’d like that message, whether you’re a member of The Silver Sages or not. Life is change, and those of us at mid-life are perfectly suited for physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Be happy and grateful that you’ve attained this elevated status: you’re the best and bravest You you’ve ever been.
Happy New Year, Indeed!
Dr Mell
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*Cohen, P (2012, Jan 8). “Get a midlife.” Sunday Review_The Opinion Pages, The New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/08/sunday-review/get-a-midlife.html?scp=1&sq=get%20a%20midlife&st=cse
**fictional names used to protect privacy
