In April, my blog featured a series devoted to “The Five Habits of Well-Being” from ground-breaking research done by the government in Great Britain—a massive study involving thousands of respondents—published to generate a vision for The Foresight Project through the New Economics Foundation (http://www.neweconomics.org/projects/five-ways-well-being). Many readers expressed their interest in the study and shared their personal responses to the study’s discoveries. Since then, an interesting stream of thought has bubbled up from the first strategy—CONNECT—and how it can empower The Silver Sages to realize their most-cherished dreams. The key is to expand how we define the habit of connecting.
The research study identifies five habits that people who flourish say add meaning to their lives and are expressed as action items: Connect, Be Active, Take Notice, Keep Learning and Give. The central theme from the first habit of connecting is based on reaching out to others; that is the language used in framing the study results and in offering “how-to” suggestions for people seeking greater well-being. True enough, connecting with others is both a human need and deep desire, and it offers opportunities for genuine engagement in meaningful relationships. The twist on this concept that has surfaced through comment and conversation lately, however, is about the power of connecting with self.
Here’s the paradox that makes this topic both exciting and challenging for Silver Sages: by the time you reach mid-life, your virtues, talents and strengths have been tested by time—you know who you are, what you like and dislike and what you simply won’t put up with—but you may have become disconnected from yourself because of family or social pressure or even more sinister things. Women approaching and over 50 are at risk for having put everyone else first as the family’s Nurturer-In-Chief and as the company’s or organization’s Go-To Person, giving in to real or imagined demands to make sacrifices “for the greater good.” I suspect that women are statistically at greater risk for chronic pain, depression and anxiety because they’ve become walled off from their true selves. Men at mid-life are also at risk. Think about it: for thousands of years men haven’t exactly been rewarded by civilization for being in touch with their feelings.
So, how can you benefit from connecting to self? By calling on empathy, insight and hope. When you aspire to make real and respectful connections with self, you approach every opportunity with empathy. In other words, you’re gentle with yourself, you stay positive, and you refuse to judge yourself harshly. You have real, identifiable virtues and strengths that can be uncovered and cultivated to improve your self-esteem and make your life richer. Be kind to yourself on that journey.
Insight? To me, you benefit in connecting to yourself by taking a fresh approach. Search with an open mind and an open heart to discover your true self and articulate the dreams that you still have within you. Think outside the box and imagine a life that breaks through the old limits; your life can be much bigger than you’ve lived it thus far.
And hope? Well, hope is the fuel and the engine, the impulse and the drive, that stir your imagination and lift you up and keep you moving toward Your Best Possible Future—the life for which your heart and hopes continue to yearn.
Seize the tremendous power from connecting with yourself and wield it to realize your dreams. And, as always, thank you for your time.
Yours truly,
Dr Mell
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“Mental Capital and WellBeing” (2008). The Foresight Project. Department for Business Innovation and Skills. Great Britain: http://www.bis.gov.uk/foresight/our-work/projects/published-projects/mental-capital-and-wellbeing
