Seeking a departure from a potentially boring Late-Summer Staycation? Worried you’ll end up with couch sores instead of jet lag from a Home Holiday spent bickering with “friends” on social media sites and OD’ing on carbs? Try putting the High in Hiatus like I did. I’m not talking about pursuing a chemically altered state! I spent my Staycation this summer exploring FLOW as a way toward greater well-being and moving my life and the lives of my clients toward flourishing. This blog is about the Why and How.
Early on in my research in positive psychology and the launch of my practice as The 50-Plus Life Coach, I discovered a number of scientists and practitioners who are experts on positive psychology principles, including the identification of personal character traits and values and the habits that magnify and maximize them. Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced chick-SENT-me-hi) is recognized as the most knowledgeable expert on FLOW, a state of intense absorption and involvement with the present moment–a state that people describe when “they are completely involved in something and forget themselves and forget time” (1990). Over the last decade, Dr. Csikszentmihalyi has focused on transforming everyday life into something that resembles the state of FLOW. Living everyday life in an elevated state? Now, I have your attention!
Living an elevated life, before and after 50, is about living with authenticity. After a certain number of birthdays, you know yourself—your character strengths and virtues—better than you ever have, and you insist on living a genuine, authentic life that meshes with your strengths, reflects your values and maximizes your well-being. When I feel a little lost or work with others who do, I often address the conflicted feelings that we all have about our responsibilities to other people. Men and women over 50 feel their relationships to a spouse or partner, children, grandchildren, aging parents, friends and co-workers can overwhelm them and disrupt a close connection to self, shifting their self-care priorities into negative territory. We shore up our conflicted feelings and wield our power to keep our identity separate and esteemed in personal connections and find FLOW by controlling our attention.
Control your attention and you choose the experiences that become your life, no matter how many relationships you nurture. “What you notice and what you pay attention to is your experience; it is your life” (Lyubomirsky, 2008). Here’s how Lyubomirsky reveals the Flow-Attention Connection in The How of Happiness:
Maintaining the state of flow also involves the control of your attention. If the challenge is too low and you become bored or apathetic, your attention drifts elsewhere. If the challenge is too high and you become tense or stressed, your attention shifts to yourself and your limitations, making you self-conscious. Your aim is to gain control over what you pay attention to—in a sense, to gain control over the contents of your consciousness moment by moment….in the long term it can provide a sense of mastery and participation in life (184).
In a famous interview with PBS Legend Bill Moyers, Joseph Campbell, the renowned mythologist, author and lecturer, was asked if he thought people read mythology to discover the meaning of life. Campbell responded like this: “I don’t believe people are seeking the meaning of life….I believe people are seeking the experience of being alive.” Amen and Amen.
So, there it is: “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.” There’ll be time to travel this fall when I can breathe some cool, fresh air on a well-groomed golf course. On my summer break, I’ve gained so much insight into the best practices in Flourishing and explored the Actionable Intelligence I’ve accumulated on FLOW from some of the best and brightest minds in positive psychology.
Elevate your life by controlling your attention and fully experience the feeling of being alive.
Finding the Power in Taking Notice,
Dr Mell
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Csikszentmihalyi, M (1990). Flow:The psychology of optimal experience. New York: Harper & Row.
Lyubomirsky, S (2008). The how of happiness: A scientific approach to getting the life you want. New York: The Penguin Press.
